Boys Don’t Cry

September 25, 2011

They came—finally—on the approach to the Bay Bridge. The saline evidence of a soul deep sadness that I have suppressed and longed for all week. This has been a week of goodbyes. A week of goodbyes, following another week of goodbyes on the East Coast.

As my colleague and compadre of 12 years bade me an emotional on Friday, I felt my well up and then, mysteriously, they were squelched. I felt robbed. This week has been filled with replayings of that vignette; with a friend I’ve known almost as long as I’ve lived in , to those who’s child I’ve seen birthed. Each time the tragedy of having to move away from these relationships that we have nurtured in order to pursue a life long dream, filled me to bursting. And yet, eluded me.

But then, as if the rain thick fog of San Francisco was the cue my spirit had been waiting for, the floodgates opened and I was awash. Awash and alive; with the relief of weeks of unexperienced emotions, came a moment of connectedness. In that moment I connected with myself in a way that has been lost since adolescence. I connected with the friends who have impacted, guided, and supported me through this adventure. In an inexplicable way, I also connected with the adventure we are about to embark on.

The life is transience embodied. There will be many goodbyes ahead. With any luck I will get better at this as the miles flow under our keel. With any luck I will learn to embrace the full spectrum of my emotional palette, to laugh and dance and sing and with my heart fully exposed. If you run into me out there and catch me doing anything less, please remind me of this post.

Comments

comments

9 comments

  1. Comment by Anabel

    Anabel September 25, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    I’m so glad they came.
    We love you. 🙂

  2. Comment by Abigail Sherr van Roode via Facebook

    Abigail Sherr van Roode via Facebook September 26, 2011 at 7:12 am

    I am not good at goodbyes. If you figure out the secret to being good at them on your trip, share that with us.

  3. Comment by ForgeOver via Facebook

    ForgeOver via Facebook September 26, 2011 at 7:28 am

    “Good” has many possible meanings. I yearn for authenticity. That may not make goodbyes easy on those I’m bidding farewell to though. In fact, I suspect it’s the anxiety of causing discomfort that has caused this problem in the first place.

  4. Comment by Abigail Sherr van Roode via Facebook

    Abigail Sherr van Roode via Facebook September 26, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Then I didn’t help very much with my comment, did I? Sorry about that.

  5. Comment by ForgeOver via Facebook

    ForgeOver via Facebook September 26, 2011 at 7:46 am

    no it was fine. You just give me someone to practice on 🙂

  6. Comment by Mom

    Mom September 26, 2011 at 7:47 am

    This post opened the flood gates here, in my office closet in Massachusetts. Tears of empathy, longing and joy…we are so proud of our connvivilal seafaring band.

  7. Comment by Lourdes

    Lourdes September 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    Dear friend, it may seem a good bye, but the truth is that you are about to embrace the whole world and every inhabitant on it in the years to come!

  8. Comment by ForgeOver via Facebook

    ForgeOver via Facebook September 28, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Oh weird, abigail’s comments are still visible on the site…

  9. Comment by Diane Selkirk

    Diane Selkirk October 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Years ago when I was particularly heartbroken by one of our cruising goodbyes a sailing friend told me, ‘the world is round so we’ll meet again’. I’ve passed that one onto Maia to help her through her goodbyes (which are keenly felt when you are (7,8, 9 and now 10!!) and living a nomadic life. And a friend recently passed on this quote: The world is truly round and seems to start and end with those we love. ~Nelson Mandela
    Hope you enjoy them.
    Diane
    http://maiaaboard.blogspot.com/

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