I was just updating my privacy settings on Facebook and found this Note from a year ago yesterday. I have played exactly two of these “games” on Facebook and this is the one that I took seriously. I decided to repost it here, today, partly because I think it’s neat that I wrote it a year ago (almost exactly) and partly because I think I would write pretty much the same thing today. Also, as I mention in the list, I long to be undersood.
1. I want people to understand me, which is complicated by the fact that..
2. I have, historically, sent intentionally contradictory messages about myself (e.g dress one way, act another) in a vain attempt to keep people from drawing the “wrong” conclusion.
3. Now I realize that everyone draws their own caricature, and that it has very little to do with me, so I’ve let that go. I’m also blessed with good friends that take their time about such things.
4. I love the job I’ve had for 10 years but dislike the very idea of “a career” with the fiery hot intensity of a thousand suns going supernova.
5. Being a great dad and husband is easily the most important goal I ever set for myself. (and for what its worth, I think I set it around age 10). Hopefully this explains a lot to those ex-girlfriends that wondered how a 15 year old boy could possibly be so intense.
6. I recently learned that it is at least as important to forgive myself for all of my shortcomings, as it is to live up to my ideals.
7. I’ve got a lot of shortcomings.
8. When I grow up, I’m going to sail around the world with my wife and kids.
9. I’m looking forward to growing up.
10. I don’t fear growing old.
11. I think about dying, specifically whether it would be worse to die before Vick and know that I am leaving her, or die after her and be alone. I do this, not to be morbid, but to remind myself how important it is to live life fully. It hurts but probably not as much as it would hurt to think about it at the other end of life.
12. I’m just crazy about Espresso. I especially like making it for my friends, the more the merrier.
13. I led outdoor expeditions in high school and college. I thought I was going to do that for a living.
14. I also thought I would work in Zimbabwe or South Africa doing humanitarian work.
15. I think I would make a great counselor, but I can’t stand the idea of going back to school. I might have to do that informally.
16. I have a knack for communication but I can’t seem to stay in touch to save my life. What’s up with that?
17. Sometimes I am overcome with love. I have never been able to figure out where it comes from, and its a little scary.
18. I don’t cry, and get anxious when others do. This bothers me because I distinctly remember thinking that it was super lame that adults don’t cry when I was a kid.
19. I was always torn between wanting to be cool and wanting to be individual. I still believe that both should be simultaneously possible.
20. I’m not afraid of being wrong and will often go out of my way to admit it.
21. I wish that I could do my life over and over again. At the end of each life, I would get to know everything I had learned in all the other lives, and could choose to make choices differently. Then I would promptly forget all that I knew, and be born. As I went through life, I would feel compelled to make choices according to my pre-life plan.
22. I was more excited to turn 30 than 21. I always wanted to be as old as my dad. I know its a moving target, but try explaining that to a kid.
23. I want to write a book someday.
24. I’m an optimist, and get really annoyed by people who think that that means I’m naive, even though in another context, I would happily embrace my naiveté.
25. I secretly (not anymore) believe that I have a superpower, I have no idea what it is, but its going to save my life someday, and might even save the world.