Back in the Flow

March 18, 2010

Years ago, back when we lived in Vermont, and even later when we first moved out to California, I always knew just what to do. It was easy. I never stood at the crossroads of a big decision, I just jumped in and let the take . I was sensitive to it, and I could tell somehow when it was time to hop out and look around but I never thought to second guess the current of my life. This took from place to place, job to job, to , always at precisely the right moment. As long as I kept my vision clear and my wits about me, things seemed to just out.

I think it bugged the crap out of some people, and scared others. Some people probably thought I was unreasonably lucky and others probably thought I was reckless. I knew better. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line I started resisting it. It didn’t happen all at once, and I will never be able to tell you when I became so numb to it that I forgot it was even there, but the fact is I my touch. Strangely, I had enough of a sense of it that it still tugged me, but I just as often thought my way around it as heeded it.

Then two days ago, when I was really least expecting it, I just fell back in. It happened so naturally that I didn’t even notice what was happening until today. It started with an impulse. I called Marina to see where we stood on their list. At the moment it seemed like nothing noteworthy, a mere ticking of a check box. In retrospect I can see that it was completely outside of the norm. Victoria and I hadn’t talked about that marina in ages; I had less than no reason to expect that we would ever get status there; we don’t have a boat; and we had agreed that we would be 6-9 months before we would move aboard. There was clearly no good reason for me to call on that day but I did. As if it were all laid out in advance, we were offered status, just like that, on the spot. That slot would have gone to someone else, probably that week, had I not acted on that impulse.

So I was back in the flow, somehow, but didn’t even recognize it yet. I still didn’t recognize it the following day when I (once again impulsively) left work at lunch to jet up there to sign the paper work and seal the deal. This afternoon when I marched into my boss’ office and suggested that I go back to my old 10-4 Tuesday – Friday office hours (with the remainder telecommuting), I didn’t have the slightest doubt that it would work out, but I still didn’t realize that I was swimming in the grand current of my life again.

It wasn’t until tonight, when Victoria was going over her to-do lists, that I realized I was back into it. I heard myself saying “You don’t need to worry about a thing. This is what we are supposed to be doing…”, and it dawned on me that I had that confidence back. I have—for lack of a better word— that my and I are heading in the right direction. The beautiful thing is that Victoria felt it too. Right after I finished telling her what I’ve just laid out here, I saw a peace come over her. I’m not sure, but I suspect she remembers the feeling of being swept away in our life’s current as well.

Comments

comments

2 comments

  1. Comment by Gramora

    Gramora March 19, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    You are an inspiration to me – may your wisdom be contagious!

  2. Comment by AnnieAnn

    AnnieAnn March 20, 2010 at 4:03 am

    Hi Tucker – I LOVED “Back in the Flow”. What a great reminder to us all to listen to our intuition and trust in the direction it is taking us. I believe you have, in this piece, your first chapter and the beginnings of what is going to be an amazing adventure. I look forward to all that is to follow. With Much Love – Annie Ann

Comments are closed.

Go top
%d bloggers like this: